Humor for Today

From Oraculations:

Sermon on “ Horseback Riding"

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think
of a sermon for the next morning.

About 9:00 p.m. he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come
upwith the perfect sermon! I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding!

"She said, "Don't be silly! You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!"

He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on
just about every other subject I can think of.

"The next morning as they were driving to church, shesaid, "I can't
believe that you're insisting on doing this!

You know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding,

I'm just going to stay in the car during the service."

He said, "OK, then, suit yourself!", so she stayed in the car!

Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden
inspiration and gave a hellfire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe.

As the congregation filed out of the church, some of the members saw
his wife sitting in the car and approached her window. One of them said,

"Wow! You just missed the best sermon your husband has ever given.

She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big, but
he's only tried it twice in his life! "Once before we were married and
once after, and he fell off both times.

Fringe Candidates: Rudy Giuliani

During big speech, Giuliani answers the call of the wife

The call was not planned, said campaign spokesman Jeff Barker.

You mean this wasn't a set-up to show Rudy's "family side"? Riiiggghhhtt

Then there are his "stands" on the Second Amendment:

Red Sox Arrrrgh, Bad as Ron Paul

Daisuzaka disease is contagious; now Okajima-where-the-ball-go-whizzing-past-the-plate (sung to the tune of Oklahoma) and Pap have it too.

p.s. Ron Paul is still a fringe candidate

Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul

I posted about Mr. Paul yesterday and got about 3 times the normal traffic, including a comment (WOW). Therefore, in a shameless bid to increase traffic I'll post something meaningless about Mr. Paul (as if his whole campaign wasn't meaningless enough to begin with) on days that I remember to and cannot think of anything else to post.

p.s. Go Fred!

Fringe Candidates: Ron Paul

I warned folks this topic could become a series.

In the spirit of bi-partisanship, and in order to get it out of the way so I could get back to the plethora of Democrat fringe candidates, I was planning to write a considered review of a Republican fringe candidate, Ron Paul. Joe over at the evangelical outpost beat me to it:

Paul's Adolescent Ideology:
The Problems with Ron Paul (and Libertarianism)

"...the main problem with Ron Paul and his supporters is that they are no longer children yet cling to childish ideas ... We live in serious times and needs serious citizens. If Paul and his libertarian supporters expect the rest of us to treat their views seriously they should some grown-up views on politics and governance."

What he said!

Never Forget

Update: Make that a 1 Pitch Wonder

I've revised my prior assessment:

Baltimore 11, Boston 5 (from Yahoo)
Staked with a three-run cushion, Daisuke Matsuzaka was poised to earn his 15th victory and deliver another win for the Boston Red Sox against the Baltimore Orioles.

The rookie never made it out of the third inning, and after yielding eight runs in an 11-5 loss Saturday night, the only thing Matsuzaka delivered was an apology.

Pull the plug, either to the DL or AAA, give his spot on the playoff roster to someone who can help the team, and get a refund.

The Real Candidate

Go Fred Go

The Fringe Candidates: Bill Richardson

I suspect this will turn into a series:

One of the things that makes presidential elections so interesting sometimes is the fringe candidates. I found this from the World Magazine blog: "Richardson: God wants Iowa first"

"Iowa, for good reason, for constitutional reasons, for reasons related to the Lord, should be the first caucus and primary,"

His statement makes perfect sense if one defines "lord" properly. Clearly he is not speaking of God, at least as defined by any reasonable Christian. He apparently never defined his terms and so appears to be pandering to Christians. It's so transparent that it is back-firing from both sides. Most amusing.

This Really Inspires Confidence In Their Judgement

Today's a two-fer:

From Yahoo and AP: France's Sarkozy draws praise from U.S. presidential candidates

Let's look at Mr. Sarkozy's admirers; Romney, McCain, Giuliani, and Gingrich. Even Obama and Clinton are "intrigued". Sarkozy may be conservative by French standards, but by US standards he'd be, at best, a moderate Democrat with fascist leanings. You can tell a lot about a person by their friends and heros.

Even more-so, why the heck should I care what these RINOs and socialists think of the President of France? We live in the U.S.A, not the France Republic. These milquetoasts are running for the President of the United States of America not the Vichy Vice Presidency.

I'm With Fred!

Daisuzaka Should be Diced for $Ks

The Red Sox got gypped with Daisuke Matsuzaka. Granted, sometimes he's not gotten a lot of run support from his teammates, but even when he does the opposing batters clearly get his number by the third time around. He was supposed to be the heir-apparent for Schilling, but right now he's a 2-pitch-wonder without the ability to fool any batter more than twice or pitch himself out of jam.

Refund Theo, Refund!

White House Press Secretary Job Application

Go over to Kim's place and read his application for White House Press Secretary. It's a hoot!
...

• Post-briefing fistfights in the corridor would be a common occurrence.
• CBS: Commie Broadcasting System; NBC: Nothing But Commies; ABC: All Bloody Commies—‘nuff said.

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