Monday, February 09, 2009

"W" Now Equals "N"

Today I learned that "wetback" is the new "n" word. I knew it was an insulting term to some people, but not having spent much time in areas of the country with large Hispanic populations I did not realize that etymological evolution had raised the "w" word to offensive equality with the "n" word. Live and learn, I guess.

This got me thinking that we Caucasians are losing the cultural war because we don't have a universally-recognized offensive appellation for ourselves. Some candidates that come to mind are "whitey", "honky", "cracker" and "yankee". The first two tend to only have applicability in black-on-white interactions. The last two tend to have geographic constraints. Someone from the Northeast is not likely to be much insulted to be called a "yankee": Similarly someone from the Southeast being called a "cracker".

Obviously the answer is to put them all together; whitey-honky-cracker-yankee becomes "whonkeree": That ought to be insulting enough for everyone.

Of course this will require some selling to get it accepted as a terrible insult. All us white guys will have to go around calling each other "wonkeree" then raise holy cane when someone else starts using it:

W1: "Hey whonkeree, how's it hanging?"
W2: "Good, good. What about you whonkeree?"
W1: "Fine, fine." How's the wife and kids?"
W2: "They're well. And yours?"
W1: "Well too. Well, gotta go whonkeree, keep earning that dollar."
W2: "Me too whonkeree, me too"
NW: "What's that you be calling one another 'whonkeree'?"
W1&W2: "HOW DARE YOU USE THAT WORD. DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S TERRIBLY INSULTING TO US? Use that word again and we're going to call a news conference to tell the whole world how we're being persecuted and harassed by people using that word. Anyone who uses that word ought to be shamed and shunned by all society."

Get enough of us whonkerees doing this and the cultural field will be level again in no time.

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